The captain of last year’s squad is unfortunately out of the league and has finally returned home to Mars. Sam Cassell, we all wish you well. In honor of our first hall of fame inductee we will eternally remember his noble efforts to the alien community by naming what was once called the All-Alien team, the Sam Cassell All Stars.
I present your 2010 All-Alien 1st Team, where we only take the most bizarre, ugliest, dirtiest, hygene-challenged of them all. If you are a wife or girlfriend of any of the members on this team, may the lord have mercy on your soul.
Sam Cassell All Stars 2010
C – Chris Kaman, L.A. Clippers
It’s not that Chris was born into alien status, it’s that he doesn’t give a lick about his cave man appearance. He always has this rather troubling beard/hair dilemma going on. Chris, the garbage disposal is not a styling product.
F- Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls
Joakim is another big on this list whose hair is out of control, among other things. When I first saw him play for Florida I seriously thought to myself, “is that a woman?”. Welcome to the first team. It won’t be the last time.
F - Sheldon Williams, Boston Celtics
The husband to the best female baller on the planet, Candace Parker (Their child is going to be the best basketball player the world has ever seen). He has been a mainstay on the All-Alien team since childbirth. But seriously he should give up the act already. We all know who he really is.
G – Adam Morrison, L.A. Lakers
Poor Adam. Nobody is ever going to remember that he won two championships. The former number three pick might not have any game anymore, but why oh why keep that awful stache?!?
G – Delonte West
.Mr. West jumped on the committee’s radar a few months ago not for what he did on the court but who he did off it. Strong, persistent rumors have it that he slept with Lebron James’ mother, Gloria.
This is beyond wild. The best athlete on the planet’s mother slept with an alien-human hybrid. If you don’t believe he is not human from the pics, please check out the video below..
Ladies and gentlemen your 2010 Sam Cassell All Stars.
Tune in next year to see which players stepped their ugly/strange/bizarre game up. And without further delay, your All-Alien hall-of-famer, Mr. Sam “E.T.” Cassell: